A Brief Note on Science, Faith and Definitions

There is beauty in even the smallest things, organic, inorganic, living or dead. And within this beauty is strength. A spirituality develops with the limits of human knowledge--what we don't know is the basis of any spiritualism. There is so much unknown to us still, and so much beauty in the unknown. Yet it seems far to difficult to limit everything inculded in spirituality into the confines of one religion, one denomination, one faith.

search for grace

In a dream

I walk

the empty streets
that lead
to nowhere
sending me on
an eternal

search

for

grace.

I lose my  way  again
as I find
I've 

circled back 

to 

my beginning.
With a 

deep 

breath
my hope  somehow  intact I 

continue on 

my 

journey towards 

the end.

I travel in the dark
with silence 

consuming my being
And realize my dreams
now grow dim
And
Just as the last
bit
of
hope flickers
out
I hear the laughter
of children
a wisp
of a memory.

With this

rush

of 

oxygen

my hope is

reignighted

and I 

push fowards

towards

Eternity.  

a prayer

so much depends

upon

a tear falling

silently

down a pale

cheek

alone in the

darkness. 

on poetry

my words flow eagerly from my pen

spilling over page after page of brightness

Without ever finding just the right contrast

between black and white.  I could write

what one would call a 'happy' poem, but

Darkness is so much easier to write about

it's what we know. 

About darkness. . .

some said I was too young to have such thoughts. 

youth has nothing, nothing, to do with it. 

so I write my poetry.  

darkness spilling onto bright open pages

and sometimes it frightens me, 

once so much that I almost gave up writing altogether.

But, an empty paper called to me-

the pen laying innocently aside, demur,

urging me to lift it, and allow darkness to flow out again

into the light and there 

it didn't seem so scary or even so profound.  

Who can judge my poetry and not judge me?

so it stays locked and hidden. 

away from blinking eyes, for only mine to read. 

and still I squint at these blurred pages and wonder what troubled me so.  

in Just NIGHT

in Just

N I G H T

when all is

sleepy-quiet

i am awake

watching

stars twinkle

N I G H T

i let myself become

surrounded in its thick

black-inkyness

searching

stars twinkle

N I G H T

i watch it's peaceful sleepers

and curse it as it taunts me

urging me to join the ranks of it's dormant military

fighting

stars twinkle.  

There is beauty in the world. I found it.

At thirteen I wasn’t very well traveled.  In fact, the farthest I’ve ever traveled from home is a couple hours’ drive away to a small town in Tennessee where my Aunt Evon lives.  My sister Krista and I spent a summer there and MAN did we have fun.  We went to Dollywood, the best place on Earth, and spent long, lazy afternoons at the local pool.  Krista and I were raised in the Catholic tradition, so when my Aunt took us to her small-town Baptist church we experienced a bit of culture shock- and came home promising not to fall into the mire and wondering what it meant to be saved. 

The most memorable experience that summer was a one day trip into the Smokey Mountains.  The drive up was fantastic and terrifying.  We took a ‘rustic’ one lane road up and around the mountain bends, praying that no one was trying to come down into the valley.  We stopped for lunch at a little picnic area, where we ate fried chicken and wandered around the woods for an hour or so.  After another short drive we parked the car and took a walk down a little mountain trail.  As I walked through the woods surrounded by such ancient trees, with all their wisdom, I felt incredibly small and young, they must have been as old as my Grandma Genevieve, at least. I realized then how important this place was, and vowed to myself that I would protect it.  The small stream running beside the trail had become a calmer, wider creek, and on that hot July day it was all my aunt could do to keep from laughing as Krista and I ran into the water, only to hurry back out wishing we had tested it first.  As we reached the end of the trail the trees parted and revealed an overlook.  It was there, watching the sun set as the mist settled on the mountains that I promised myself I would learn everything about this place, and hopefully discover other places just as fantastic and sacred. 

For the past four years I have studied biology, the study of life.  I have been exploring the environment around me since the moment I opened my eyes; I’ve learned about the ecosystem and animals in my own environment, and recently got to explore the eastern coast of Australia in a Marine Ecology study abroad program.  Australia is the biologist’s dream, a place isolated from the rest of the world in which a fantastic array of diversity has evolved.  I had a chance to study the ocean, the reefs and the island environments that were so incredibly foreign to me. 

While living and studying in a tropical environment certainly has its advantages, I missed my home environment, which I knew so well.   I will be graduating this May with my B.S. in Biology and minors in both physics and chemistry  My own curiosity and interest has gotten me this far, and I’m looking forward to beginning the next step, wherever it may lead. 

 

If only it were a fairytale,

I sometimes wonder how it can be that two people can live in such close proximity, that two people can see each other on a regular basis, and yet live their entire lives wondering if the other noticed them. There can be such distance, in this place, this world that we live in. It's almost as though we are eternally alone, yet surrounded by people. We live, breathe, practically swim our way through the actions, words, motions and existence of other people. But we are alone. Alone in our own actions, words, motions--though they may change the landscape of some other person.

Relationships can exist in shadow.  There, ready to be offered and fully enjoyed--yet remaining in shadow. You catch it, on occasion, in a stolen glance, that speaks the volumes of words yet unspoken. But like a shadow, you can never quite catch it.

And it is this, this shadowlove, that leave us wondering, do you take the chance and somehow, like Peter, catch up with this shadow?  Makeing it something real that you can hold and touch and care for? Or do you just continue living for those stolen glances, where you snatch, just out of reach at my own, dancing shadow?

It is this shadowlove, that leaves you feeling so alone.

The Grand Scheme

As I sat at my summer job, staring down at the sheet of 600 students I was to call that day, a strange thing happened. I was filled with joy--and across my face slowly spread a grin that would put the Cheshire cat to shame. You see, I realized that this awful, boring job, in all its glorious banality, was just a stage--and the fact that I was in this position meant that I was living my life--LIVING, not stuck in some dead end job with no hopes or dreams or goals. I have a plan, a grand scheme, some might say, that doesn't have an end-all stopping point, but in which each step leads to another more exhilarating step. Now as I realize that my job is one of these steps, I remind myself of the grand scheme.

I study life-and in essence it comes down to metabolism and reproduction-anything that can grow and replicate is alive, and the methods in which it accomplishes these things are incredible, intricate and interdependent. And so, in applying what I've learned so far to the path of my life- the directions in which I'm going and from which I've come, I learn more about myself, in order to make that path a bit smoother.

Reflecting

My return home, and the readjustment, has been interesting. I've noticed many, many differences between the Ozzies and the Americans. Ozzies are much more relaxed--the entire no worries/ 'ave a go attitude is lacking--and I miss it. To come from a place where everyone is truly seen as equal, into a place where-while we all have 'equal rights' there is still judgement cast among us based on class, color or conformation. Australia, certainly is not perfect-but your typical Ozzie would listen to what you have to say, find out who you are and what you are about, before judging you.

Everything here in the US is so rushed, as if we're afraid our lives are so very short that we must rush about and do everything at once. But you miss so much doing that- even in doing the mundane, you still have to do it, so enjoy it, don't rush, and do it right.

I have met some incredible people in my travels. I've learned that yes, even one person can have an effect on the world, one person can influence others and that influence can make things happen. What we choose to do with our lives, every choice we make has a consequence, and our interactions with other people can have a lasting effect, for good or bad, as you choose. I know that I certainly suprised a few Ozzies when I didn't turn out to be the loud, lazy American stereotype. Once they realized that I was in fact a person, before I was anything else, they listened to what I had to say.

I miss the ocean, with all of its danger and beauty and secrets. I miss discovering animals and plants and places that I'd never seen, or imagined. I miss the islands, rugged and delicate, intricate yet fierce. There is an elegance to it, in the biology of it. We try to study these things, to teach ourselves about this world we live in, and find beauty in even the smallest things, elegance and order in the cells, the atoms that make up the larger thing, all culminating in the beautiful, dangerous, ever-changing place we call Earth.

Nearing Completion

My last day on this beautiful, rugged island was spent presenting my work on benthic fauna, packing up for our 6AM departure and relaxing and playing on the beach. Orpheus island was, by far, my favorite.

6/15/2008: Departing Orpheus very early

The boat ride back to the mainland was--difficult-- while it was beautiful to watch the sun rise behind the island, silhouetting the cliffs, the wind was strong and the waves were high. Our boat came close to capsizing several times, and without much to hang on to, it was all we could to to stay in the boat. After a four hour bus ride we finally reached Cairns (say it: cans) and pulled up to the Northern Greenhouse, our hostel. Out of all the hostels we've stayed at this is by far the nicest one.

6/16/2008: Snorkel Anyone?

Guess who snorkeled on the Great Barrier Reef? That's me! It was beautiful! I was able to hire an underwater camera to take with me, and the photos are pretty good! I'm writing from an internet lounge now, so I cannot post them, but they will be up soon!

After our return to the city (about 5 pm) Jess and I got prettied up and went out for a fancy dinner where she taught me how to be a wine snob and we ate very very delicious tomato and pineapple soup! Then we danced our way through the midnight market--so cool--