::imaginative introspection::

Imagine that all life is an illusion. All that exists is this moment. No past, no future, each memory, every plan, a part of the illusion. Life, in a photograph.

Do you like the image of yourself?

Sunday, July 13, 2008

If only it were a fairytale,

I sometimes wonder how it can be that two people can live in such close proximity, that two people can see each other on a regular basis, and yet live their entire lives wondering if the other noticed them. There can be such distance, in this place, this world that we live in. It's almost as though we are eternally alone, yet surrounded by people. We live, breathe, practically swim our way through the actions, words, motions and existence of other people. But we are alone. Alone in our own actions, words, motions--though they may change the landscape of some other person.

Relationships can exist in shadow.  There, ready to be offered and fully enjoyed--yet remaining in shadow. You catch it, on occasion, in a stolen glance, that speaks the volumes of words yet unspoken. But like a shadow, you can never quite catch it.

And it is this, this shadowlove, that leave us wondering, do you take the chance and somehow, like Peter, catch up with this shadow?  Makeing it something real that you can hold and touch and care for? Or do you just continue living for those stolen glances, where you snatch, just out of reach at my own, dancing shadow?

It is this shadowlove, that leaves you feeling so alone.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

The Grand Scheme

As I sat at my summer job, staring down at the sheet of 600 students I was to call that day, a strange thing happened. I was filled with joy--and across my face slowly spread a grin that would put the Cheshire cat to shame. You see, I realized that this awful, boring job, in all its glorious banality, was just a stage--and the fact that I was in this position meant that I was living my life--LIVING, not stuck in some dead end job with no hopes or dreams or goals. I have a plan, a grand scheme, some might say, that doesn't have an end-all stopping point, but in which each step leads to another more exhilarating step. Now as I realize that my job is one of these steps, I remind myself of the grand scheme.

I study life-and in essence it comes down to metabolism and reproduction-anything that can grow and replicate is alive, and the methods in which it accomplishes these things are incredible, intricate and interdependent. And so, in applying what I've learned so far to the path of my life- the directions in which I'm going and from which I've come, I learn more about myself, in order to make that path a bit smoother.

Monday, July 7, 2008


My return home, and the readjustment, has been interesting. I've noticed many, many differences between the Ozzies and the Americans. Ozzies are much more relaxed--the entire no worries/ 'ave a go attitude is lacking--and I miss it. To come from a place where everyone is truly seen as equal, into a place where-while we all have 'equal rights' there is still judgement cast among us based on class, color or conformation. Australia, certainly is not perfect-but your typical Ozzie would listen to what you have to say, find out who you are and what you are about, before judging you.

Everything here in the US is so rushed, as if we're afraid our lives are so very short that we must rush about and do everything at once. But you miss so much doing that- even in doing the mundane, you still have to do it, so enjoy it, don't rush, and do it right.

I have met some incredible people in my travels. I've learned that yes, even one person can have an effect on the world, one person can influence others and that influence can make things happen. What we choose to do with our lives, every choice we make has a consequence, and our interactions with other people can have a lasting effect, for good or bad, as you choose. I know that I certainly suprised a few Ozzies when I didn't turn out to be the loud, lazy American stereotype. Once they realized that I was in fact a person, before I was anything else, they listened to what I had to say.

I miss the ocean, with all of its danger and beauty and secrets. I miss discovering animals and plants and places that I'd never seen, or imagined. I miss the islands, rugged and delicate, intricate yet fierce. There is an elegance to it, in the biology of it. We try to study these things, to teach ourselves about this world we live in, and find beauty in even the smallest things, elegance and order in the cells, the atoms that make up the larger thing, all culminating in the beautiful, dangerous, ever-changing place we call Earth.