Love like a cancer. . .

laugh loud and lilting
you sing with sparkling eyes
take a moment
watching
smiling eyes
wonder at reasons
but respect decisions
still
the not so hidden thoughts
of mind and soul
can't fill
emptiness
drive away
somehow
trying
understand,
know
even with you
close but distant

I'm still alone.

words fill my mind
hours later I dissect
every glance
moment
not with regret
but
somewhere
sadness
longing
you tried to understand
thankful,
without knowing
attempt to comprehend

love without expecting
but wanting all along

handle being broken
so long.

I go on alone
each day one step one time
I recall my training -

wake and thank the morning

and wonder at the night

Heart palpatations

with this

love like a cancer,

I'm losing and I'm not sure I care.

This medicine's too strong 

my will is weak 

I watch your smile 

and know defeat

I wake 

and thank 

the morning,

and wonder at the night.

Neo

New year New breath New start New hope

I take a risk and once again

can feel the weight of the pen

as I work to tame the rampant thoughts

and dare to dream again

I watch the cold icy wind blow around my fragile skin

and yet I'm numb from within

observing without feeling, seems like sin

but take the chance and start to feel a flicker here and there-- so real

and suddenly I've broken free

I recall who I once used to be

and laugh out loud to think that I

almost let this flicker die

Cause I'm only human, as they say

I'll live this life day to day

and with a prayer on my lips

I leap into the snowy drifts