Impact

I fell.

HARD.

And he caught me, 

And he wrapped me up safe in his arms, 

And he surrounded me with his love...

And together we fell

And by some miracle...

....both survived the impact.

Dream

I have this dream, it's beautiful. He and I and our messy, wonderful, complicated future. Babies and lazy Sunday's and romps through forests and sunshine filled meadows.  

I have this dream, it's beautiful. He and I -- against the odds we survive and love and live and create the most incredible life. 

I can see it and it's just, ::JUST:: out of reach.  I get caught up in the what-ifs and if-onlys and hope and hope and hope. 

I have this reality, this present, it's beautiful. He and I and our real, honest, easy, overwhelming love.  I have his back and he has mine and we trust and love and compromise and talk....and ::GODS:: when we kiss...when we kiss nothing else matters and nothing else exists except for his soul intertwined with mine.  

We have this dream, it's beautiful. 

It is a privilege to know emotion. For all the heartbreak, sadness, and pain allow the joy, love, and kindness we encounter to have true meaning.

She is beautiful, but she doesn't believe it.

Grey eyes with just a hint of blue, like where the sea meets the sky and a storm is rolling in.  Sandy hair shorn close, her pixie cut matches her impish grin.  Mischievous, she leaves you wondering if you should take her hand and run away with her, or turn and run away as fast as your feet can carry you.  Smart as a whip, quick wit, her words can cut like a razor when she wants them to.

She is beautiful, but she doesn't believe it.

I'll spend every day trying to convince her.

Foreverman

I feel strong arms and hot flesh wrap around my body as you surround me, and safely cocooned by your body I sigh, content. 

I feel warm breath and soft lips brush against my neck as you whisper to me, 

and happy here I dream of more, so much more. 

It took me weeks to work up the courage to tell you, first quietly squeaking out that I haz the feels, watching you grin as I struggle to speak a truth you've already known. I fell for you weeks ago and you've been waiting for this. 

Now, safe and warm and surrounded by you, I listen to your snores and once I think you're asleep I whisper the truth. I love you. So quietly I barely hear it myself, yet, somehow you did, and you pull me in closer and kiss me and "I know"....

"I know"

I fall fast and hard and often and my heart has taken more chances than most. 

Here I am, handing it over to you freely...and you handle it so gently.

"I know"

I told you once to never say it unless you were absolutely sure. 

So, okay, you aren't there yet. These things can take some time, after all. 

Except, except I feel it when you pull me in for yet another goodbye kiss, not knowing when our next hello might be. 

"I know"

I told you once not to ever hurt me. Now you're trying to protect us both. 

Except my foolish heart and my foolish brain are in cahoots and I can't help but dream of a future with you.  I'm not even trying to stop the dreams from coming, now. 

I miss you terribly when we are apart, and ache to be near you, with you, always. You occupy my mind and sneak into daydreams and this...this must be a good thing.  

I won't regret a moment. 

I don't want it to end. 

I'm dreaming again, lover, 

that you're my foreverman. 

Unfinished song! Needs a title!

I try 

and sigh 

and eventually I cry 

One day 

I find 

that you were always mine

But I never knew

But I never knew

But I never knew

And now I've lost you.

You said the words but 

I - I never heard

I - I never heard

And now 

I've learned 

it's your heart that was burned

It's your heart that was burned

Burned

Burned

O-ohh

So I try 

and sigh 

and now apologize

For all the times 

I missed your subtle signs

Take my hand  now

If it's true we'll fly

Like eagles to the sky

Take my hand now

If it's true we'll fly

Like eagles to the sky

There's music to this one...but it's not quite finished. 

Panic.

Air forced harsh into unwilling lungs, 

Heart flying directly for the sun

Skin crusted with salt of tears and sweat

Mind reeling as I fail at accepting this new reality. 

I force the bile down, life becoming too hard to swallow. The room spins and for a moment I'm certain the sky is falling. But it's me.

...

Eyes open and slow deep breaths return.  

Yet I still exist in a newly fractured reality.

I manage to catch my sinking heart, gather my breath, and stand on shaking legs. 

I am strong. 

I am strong. 

I am strong. 

But I can still be broken. 

Gas Station

"What's you're NAME Baby?"

"Personal."

"How you doin, Personal?"

Light

Look up she says. 

Look up and tonight glimpse a passing bit of light, distant echoes of a world a lifetime away from here. 

But here, the gleam of ancient starlight is obscured by the glare of orange street lights-- harsh light that pushes the darkness, and light, of the night beyond our limited vision. 

I see lights, blinking, patterned, mechanical and artificial, satellites in orbit that, too, obscure the view. 

Have you seen the Milky Way? 

She has. 

On the beach of a reef island still isolated from the obstruction of mechanical lights. 

It's vast, greater than her perception of ocean by infinite orders of magnitude. 

There, away from man-made light she walked the shores on a moonless night by starlight echoed in luminescent waves, and finding that the darkness was not so dark and wondering why we hid behind the light. 

Breakthrough.

I tried to fit the prices back into the places they used to belong, 

but somewhere along the way 

I lost a few, I shrunk, I grew, I twisted and turned into something new 

and now 

I'm not the person you once knew. 

Some bits still fit, the easy fix, from the clean breaks, the choices that were easy to make, you can still see the straight lines where I cut and paste, trying to rewrite, revise, renew, revive

And somewhere along the way I realized that grasping at shards will cut.